SHORT STORY: "Behind a Broken Smile" by Glacys Agustin

"Behind a Broken Smile"

By Glacys Agustin

As Adam rode down the sidewalk, his palms began to sweat in nervous anticipation. He hadn't been to Blue Star Book Shoppe in months, and since what happened had happened, he felt that now was the time to go. The coffee bean brown gable came into sight and Adam slowed his bike down to a stop. Staring at the happy cursive lettering on the sign, he leaned his bike against the stucco wall. Calm down, he told himself.

He wasn't really sure why he was so anxious. It wasn't like he was about to undergo a task where he could possibly crack under pressure. Adam lifted the hat off of his head and ran his fingers through his dark brown curls. It's because this is my first time here... without her. The beating of his heart was like the loud pulsing tempo of a bass drum. He set the hat back on his head and opened the heavy wooden door to the book store.

 

At the silvery tinkle of the wind chimes, the man sitting behind the wooden counter looked up. His skin was wrinkled and his hair was grey, but he still seemed to have a lot of life left in him. He wore a yellow and tan flannel shirt tucked into dark brown corduroy pants and his glasses teetered on the tip of his nose.

"Hi there," the man said with a smile.

Adam smiled broadly in greeting, but in truth, he felt sick.

Everything was the same as before. The mocha colored armchairs and the lion-footed table, the shelves of every kind, and the books, books, books. Adam began to make his way among the shelves slowly. Titles flashed at him as he walked by. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Thirteen Reasons Why, As I Lay Dying, Romeo and Juliet...

He reached the back corner where pillows of every color were piled in the corner formed by the side of the shelf and the wall. He stared at the pillows, scanning with his eyes, looking for a certain pillow. Finally, he took a seat on top of the pile, pulling a plush, purple throw pillow into his lap. This one was her favorite, he recalled. She used to sit with her back against the shelf and cuddle with it. As he wrapped his arms around the pillow and hugged it to his chest, he stared blankly at the shelf before him. He tried to imagine she was with him still, reading her favorite novel for the fiftieth time. Out of nowhere, memories of when she and Adam had been here last hit his mind like a bullet. 

Adam grinned as he tossed a pillow into her lap. "Hey!" She squealed. "Stop it." She pushed the pillow out of her way and continued reading. Adam threw the pillow back again. "Stop," she said. "I mean it." But the smile on her face told him she wasn't that annoyed. She tossed the pillow back to him. "What are you reading, anyway?" he asked, scooting closer. She closed the book, using her thumb to keep her place within the pages. "The Outsiders?" Adam read with a grin.

Adam's eyes began to sting, so he blinked, bringing his sight back in focus. A sudden pang ran through his body as he spotted something on the shelf. There it was-  The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. Pulling himself up, he reached for the book. As he sat back, he began to flip through the pages, reading little bits and pieces.

"You get tough like me and you don't get hurt. You look out for yourself and nothin' can touch you...” 

After reading this, Adam let his head fall back against the wall. She couldn't look out for herself. And she had no one else to do it for her. I could have been the one, Adam thought. Suddenly, it was hard for him to swallow. His eyes stung, so he shut them. Instead of the darkness behind his eyelids, Adam saw her. She was sitting on her bed, a limp heap of tears and rumpled clothing. She looked so helpless and Adam felt so awkward. He did nothing but sit by silently, once in a while reaching over to pat her arm or head. 

A silent tear escaped from Adam's shut eyelids. 

Brooklyn. The name was etched in his mind, a tattoo that couldn't be removed or concealed. 

To the eye, she seemed like any other teenage girl- a quirky, friendly, fresh faced seventeen year old.

But Adam knew what was really there. It was him alone that she confided in, but even then, he was taken by surprise by what she had done. She always felt so alone and out of place, like there was somewhere else she should be- she just didn't know where. Brooklyn wanted to be special. She wanted a purpose. One that she couldn't seem to find.

She was a beautiful girl. She was amazing but she didn't know it. And if Adam had just done more, then maybe... Just maybe...

Maybe she would still be there with him, reading her favorite book, constantly pushing that little curl of dark brown hair from her face. Maybe she would have gotten a chance to be happy. Maybe she would have realized how amazing she really was.

"I'm really sorry. My entire life was made up of wrong choices, and this is the last mistake I'll make to end them all. I'm sorry. I really am."

Those were her last words, forever captured in a minute long webcam video.

Adam realized he was almost to blame for Brooklyn's death. He was there with her. He could've done something. He could've shown her how much she was really worth, but no. He just stood by, watching her suffer in silence with a fake smile plastered on her face. 

Wasn't I enough? his thoughts cried, as if Brooklyn could hear. Couldn't you have held on for me? You know I needed you. In reality, she didn't. Adam never once told her that he loved her; as a friend and possibly something more. She didn't know that, no matter how flawed she thought she was, Adam wanted her to stay by his side. It's all my fault, he thought, his chest beginning to ache.

Adam was startled by the tear that had splashed onto the cover of The Outsiders. He wiped his eyes slowly with the back of his hand. He opened the book up again.

"And you can't win against them no matter how hard you try, because they've got all the breaks and even whipping them isn't going to change that fact."

For a moment, Adam couldn't see any significance in what he had just read. He imagined Brooklyn pressing the novel to her lips, a smile in her eyes. He could hear her voice speaking just above a whisper. "I read it over and over because the characters- Ponyboy, Dally, Johnny, all of them- they understand things that others don't."

She had suggested that Adam read it, but he refused, telling her that he didn't read. It was almost like the rainclouds he had been living under since Brooklyn's death blew over. She was gone- he couldn't change that. Moping around wasn't going to help. 

Adam shut his eyes and hugged the pillow tight, leaving the book facedown in his lap. He pictured Brooklyn’s face once more. Her innocent brown eyes seemed to sparkle and it brought him a strange warmth. 

"It's gonna be okay," he heard her say. "It all ends up fine in the end. I promise." 

A small smile formed on Adam's lips.

Brooklyn never said things she didn't mean, and if she said things would turn out fine in the long run, they would.

Adam opened his eyes again. He picked up the book, flipped back to page one, and began to read.